strange dream

i don't usually dream but.... last night, this morning.... it was different.

i don't remember a whole lot except for the end, but i know that through the dream, i kept feeling frustrated and forgotten. My mom was helping this one kid I've known for awhile. I guess he was really sad because she kept talking with him and seperating him from me and my sister who were with him, and his two little sisters. We didn't know what was going on, and my mom wouldn't say. After awhile, things started getting darker, like there were shadows all over the place. Then, I was in this church. There were big windows, and as I was standing there, Ryan, this guy that I have liked for a long time, came over and gave me a hug.
I immediately felt calm, and loved. Like everything was going to be okay. He just held me for awhile, and was talking to me. He started telling me about these soldiers that had asked him to do something, but it was in a play of some sort but yet it was real, and I started getting really confused. He was asking me to help him and i didn't understand. We talked about it for a little while, and while I kept getting more and more confused, he just kept talking, like he didn't seem to notice. The space in which this happened was only a few minutes, but it felt longer, like a condensed version of something we had already experienced.
After awhile, I was laying on the floor, and he was sitting beside me. We were still talking, but he was talking less, and just looking at me. I remember laughing a few times, and just being... happy. We were still in the church, with a few people walking around, including my mom a couple times, but we didn't care. Then he started kissing me. But it wasn't out of love. It was angry and violent. I tried to return the first kiss but realized it's not what he wanted. I tried to pull away but he became more and more angry. Then, he pushed me away and said, "Get off the doorstep of my life. I never want to see you again."
Immediately, I was filled with shame. Like, everything I had done or let him do was my fault. I should have never liked him, because it made him angry. I didn't understand. The hate in his eyes tore me apart, and I couldn't understand, except that i felt that it was completely my fault. I just lay there, and then tried to crawl away. Right then, my alarm rang. I sat up and realized it was a dream, but it felt so real. I couldn't put it out of my head.

Usually, when I remember my dreams, they mean something. But I can't imagine what. Am I a slut? Am I too pathetic in wishing that he would notice me, like me? What about my mom?

I wish I could understand the things only my brain seems to know.