Vanitas of a Consumer

life may not be relevent to the way we view it
circumstances may decide to foreclose
on our dimly lit circle of knowledge
and instead of allowing us to openly admit
to the addiction of self--
we may indeed become the newest victim to
an insurgency of plasticity
a model of the perfectly hidden self
by way of modern invention, a self-proclaimed
necessity of downfall,
approached by the weak in mind
and weaker in spirit, the martyred and the silenced
beaten down by the electric success and golden luck
in the gilded cages surrounding a false utopia
erected in order to fulfill a substantial lack of competance

this altered state of mind is
a weapon of biological proportions
a shadowed figure, rising up to power
to utterly destroy any trace of the original human life
and a sense of pride in a complete state of mind
unaffected by moral disillusionment
and mental corruption, a dictator to the human condition
and it's generational effects

the years of change have slowly adapted
to this influence, molding to the interference of expectation
and renewed through negative affirmation on the subject
by phony professionals educated to wean truth
and charge a bill for anything resembling it
this secret has brought us to a point of near devestation
teetering on the narrow edge between dawn and destruction
hiding it by exposing only the shadow of it's agents
masquerading as a savior in times of trial
in eloquence they connect fable and create a rendition
of failure that far outweighs it's true counter
instilling a morbid duty to do whatever it takes
to fall to this screaming opposition

disturbing...

oh ya. I forgot to record my morbid dream.
(why do i always have those??)

okay, so i can't remember a whole lot of it except for i was with this lady and she was i think my cousin or something. So anyways, I had gone over to see her and her kids. She had three, and while she was in the front yard with one of them, I was on the second story on this little balcony. Well, her youngest boy (he was probably about 6 or 7 months old) and he tried to crawl out through this window onto the balcony. I was sitting right there, and i looked away for a minute and when i looked back his brother (who was probably two) came up behind him and started shutting the window on top of his head! I tried to stop him but before I could he had pushed the window into the baby's head, and he died right there!
I felt so sick, looking at it. I had no idea how it had happened. But he was dead!

I'd really like to see the psychologists try and figure out that one! Honestly, I may be a little eccentric sometimes, but definitely not psycho! Why do I dream such weird things? And on such a regular basis?

love you.... no more

well, that was a flop.
i tried to tell him that i loved him and he didn't even know it.
so i guess i can officially cross that off of my list on how to woo.
damn.
now that list is gonna be super short!!!
i don't even think i'll have a list anymore.
oh well.
it's probably not a good idea anyway.
he's trouble.
but so gorgeous!
and i'm sure everyone in this whole wide world knows i love him because i keep complaining about it.
except for him, of course.
so right now i can officially say that i'm the loneliest girl on the planet.
and that's it. that's all i'm gonna say.
because even if everyone else isn't tired of hearing me complain, I AM.
It is so annoying!
so.... no more. all done.
I'll be Miss Independent. Like I always am. Like I always have been.
God, it sure would be nice to have a little change.
But nope!

haha okay, bitter feelings. I should write a country song about it lmao!! except for that would remind me of him..... he loves country, and sings along in his truck, and he has the most beautiful voice.... ok stop!! I'm not even going to go there.