whew! ....Ish.

well, the picnic was a success....and no liplock, which was good.
afterwards, he texted me and said he was being gentlemanly, and didn't try to kiss me.
i, of course, said thanks, i appreciate that. but i kind of wanted to.

why the hell do i always say dumb stuff like that?? I could have very well kept it to myself, thank you very much. and then maybe i wouldn't get into these dumb situations.

also....
i haven't talked, really talked with this guy since he graduated, which was a year ago. now, he wants to know if we can make these "dates" as he calls them, something that happens more often.

out of the blue.

i mean, we liked each other in high school, but that's about it. nothing ever really happened.
he was the kind of guy that made out with girls and had sex all the time, and i wasn't. i didn't even get my first kiss until a week before i was 17. and that's the only 0ne I've had!
(Which may explain why I wanted to kiss him so bad; it's been forever! Hmmmm....)

so anyways. back to the story. he tells me that, and so i tell him i'm not sure i can go out with him because i know how he is with girls.
he got defensive, and said he'd changed a lot since high school. part of me believes him, just because i tend to want to see the good in people rather than the bad, but i also know that he made out with one of my friends just this summer, and that doesn't really sound like a change to me.

ok. i don't even know if i want to be dating right now. I'm just getting started with college and trying to figure out my own personal life, i don't know if i can even handle something like that.
so anyways. we're gonna talk about it.

he really feels like he's changed, and maybe he has. i don't know. maybe i should just cut it off now, before i do any further damage, to either him or me. but there's another part of me that wants to just go for it, try something new. take a risk.

wow. i thought the drama stayed in high school, but apparantly...not.